I want to hide in my bed for the evening. I took a bath and I just want to be done with today. The problem is, it's only 5pm and my husband feels sick so hibernating with two kids fending for themselves feels like a dick move. But this lethargy is bone-deep. Why do we do this to ourselves?
In case you don't know what I'm talking about, I'm referring to the largest mass shooting this country has ever seen. And many people are talking about guns. And we should be talking about guns. Guns are a critical issue in this country. It's embarrassing how much we're in denial about that as people bleed in the streets for no real reason. Others are talking about how we frame our narratives, how this shooter has been given a pass on terms like "terrorist" because he's white. I could go on and on about that and I should. It's important.
But tonight I want to wonder, what is it in us that compels us to do such catastrophic damage to HUNDREDS of total strangers? And is there a piece of me in that hatred? I see myself in those cowering in fear and confusion and I see humanity in the one pulling the trigger with ruthless impunity. I can't imagine doing that and yet, there is a human compulsion to destroy life that resides in all of us whose heart beats. And that is why I don't want to get out of bed. Because even the eternal optimist, the girl who really thought she could save the world at 21, has to face the reality that sometimes humanity is a huge pile of shit.
We are a violent nation and we have more guns than people. I know. I'm shaking my head too. And we have so much work to do legally to make things right, to prevent these things from happening. We need to deal with guns. We need to deal with mental health. But what can you and I do right now? Without politics and or funding? We need to create community. People do less shitty stuff in community. When we feel loved, when we feel heard, when we experience safety in relationship, that desire to harm others takes a backseat. Right? I think so. I hope so. That's all I've got tonight. And it'll have to be enough because it's still another hour til bedtime. Peace to your house, friends.